Book of Memories
by Pimino
Summary: Raph is losing his mind. The usually-tough turtle is unraveling string by string, and no one can help him. It's his fault that his youngest and beloved brother is shattered both physically and mentally, and everyone knows it. The only thing that is keeping him attached to his own body are the memories that have been hiding deep inside of him. Brotherly fluff. ON HOLD(:
1. Tag

**"Life is a book.**

**A book of pages.**

**A page for a day.**

**A day of experiences.**

**An experience in each chapter.**

**And each chapter has a title.**

**The title is Life."**

**-Unknown**

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><p>The connected pack of four go-carts race down the quiet street of New York City, cutting through the peace like a razor. Swiftly, they skid around tight corners and race through green lights without any sort of delay. Smoke pumps out from behind them as they become airborne after running over a small bump.<p>

"Raph! Slow down!" Leo yelps as he falls back down in his seat, along with his blue go-cart. His white knuckles are wrapped around a handle on the side of the inner wall. It's the only thing keeping him steady as Raph tears down the empty street.

"Dude, are you crazy? This is awesome!" Mikey blurts out, as he grasps at the back of Raph's seat. "We should let Raph drive more often!"

"For once, I actually agree with Mikey!" Raph chuckles as he whips the steering wheel to the right. Instantly, the three passengers are thrown to the left, but their seatbelts narrowly catch them before they fall out.

"L-Leo," Donnie stammers as he leans back over to sit up straight. "I just have the tiniest, _slightest_ feeling that you should take the wheel again!"

The oldest brother pulls himself back to a wobbly sitting position as best as he can. He tightens his seatbelt before rubbing his bruised arm, which he has obtained during Raph's joyride.

"I did say that whoever found my comic could drive the go-carts while we patrol," Leo states with regret deep in his voice. "Mikey, you really need to tighten your seatbelt! If you fall out, you're gonna get hurt! Anyways, Donnie, I don't really have a choice right now."

Mikey scoffs at Leo's suggestion and rolls his eyes as Raph responds to his purple-banded brother.

"Yeah, unless ya want to rip this go-cart wheel out of my cold, dead fingers!" he yells with eyes full of exhilaration.

"I didn't know that being viciously thrown around was part of this so-called 'patrol'! And it's a patrol buggy, not a go-cart!" Donnie cries out, ignoring Raph's harsh comment.

"Relaaaaax, D," Mikey intervenes, kicking his feet around Raph, who sits in front of him. He puts his hands behind his head with a wide smile. Raph gives a small growl before releasing his right hand from the wheel and knocking Mikey's feet back down. The youngest brother sticks his tongue out at the back of Raph's head before continuing with, "This is a whole lot better than when Leo drives!"

Leo snaps his head around to face his youngest brother, his defensive mode kicking in.

"What'da mean?"

"I mean that you're always like 'Guys, we have to stay focused, we have to keep an eye out, we have to keep quiet, we have to keep a low profitty'," Mikey mimics with a deep voice, a grin etched on his face. Raph, listening in on the conversation behind him, gives a slight laugh which widens the beam on Mikey's face.

"You mean 'profile'?" Donnie asks, laughter in his voice.

"Whatever, you know what I meant!"

Raph gives out a whoop of joy as the patrol buggy suddenly screeches to a stop, making Mikey and Donnie crash their heads into Leo and Raph's backs. Then, it whips back forward again, making Leo and Raph slap against Mikey and Donnie.

"If I get a concussion, so help me, Raph!" Leo groans as he rubs the back of his head.

"Nah, I got everythin' under – oh shit, I don't think we're gonna make it!"

"What? Make what?!" Leo and Donnie frantically ask in union. Donnie slaps his hands on Leo's shoulders and leans around him to see the incoming trouble.

They gasp as they spot a streetlight, who's light has turned yellow. Splinter has constantly warned them about obeying traffic rules as they are on patrol with the patrol buggies, and so far, they have managed to heed those warnings – until maybe now.

"I'm just gonna go for it!" Raph yells out to his two panicking brothers. Donnie and Leo widen their eyes in doubt, their breathing picking up as they get closer and closer. However, Mikey lies back in his seat with his eyes closed as he hums a soft tune to himself, not having a care in the world as his three other brothers begin to sweat with anxiety.

"You're not gonna make it!"

"But I'm goin' too fast anyways!"

The streetlight comes closer and closer as the four, connected go-carts still go the same, racing speed.

"Raph-!"

A flash of light fills up his vision,

a screeching honk rings through the air,

Raph swings the steering wheel to the right,

and blackness fills his eyes.

* * *

><p><em>"Mikey, get over here!"<em>

_Raph, the age of 6, jumps over the couch in the common room. Mikey, sprinting as fast as his little legs can, giggles to himself as he dives underneath a table._

_"You can't catch me, you can't catch me!" he taunts as he sees Raph's feet stop in front of him. Before his irritated brother can duck underneath, Mikey shoots out the other side._

_"Haha, you can't touch m-"_

_A sharp pain hits Mikey in the back of the head, and he slams face-forward to the unforgiving floor. He skids a few painful inches before coming to an aching stop. With stars in his eyes, he looks up and sees a large pillow lying beside him._

_"No fair, you can't use weapons!" Mikey whines as he sits up, clenching his tiny hands into balls._

_"It's not a weapon, it's a pillow full of feathers!" Raph defensively chimes as he catches up to his brother. Then, jabbing him with a sharp finger, he calmly says, "Tag, you're it."_

_Raph takes off in the opposite direction, giddy with joy. He's the master of tag, and he always catches his brothers one way or another. He's about to run into the kitchen when a small, painful yelp comes from behind him. Raph flips around, narrowing his eyes in confusion._

_Mikey is still sitting on the ground, looking at his knee. A few tears glisten in his eyes as he looks up at Raph with hurt in his every move. His bottom lip trembles, but no sympathy reaches into Raph. At least, not this time._

_Groaning, Raph crosses his arms before grumbling, "What happened this time, Mikey?"_

_"Owie, owie, owie, my knee!" Mikey wails as he rocks back and forth, pulling his leg to his chest and hugging it. Raph, still annoyed, walks over to his little brother and crouches down to inspect the injury._

_As soon as he sees it, an evil thought springs to his head, and Raph smiles to himself. But he quickly wipes it off, getting into character._

_Giving out a dramatic gasp, the red-banded turtle covers his mouth with his hand._

_"Oh my gosh, Mikey! You got a scratch, this is not good! Not good at all!"_

_Alarmed by his brother's sudden behavior, Mikey snaps his head up to anxiously look at his brother. "What, what's wrong!"_

_Pretending to have deep concern, Raph glances at the small scratch again before wincing._

_"I.. I can't," he whispers, turning his head away from Mikey. He grins to himself as he feels Mikey desperately grasp his shoulders, shaking him a little._

_"What's wrong! Tell me, tell me!"_

_Raph slowly turns his head back around to face his terror-filled brother. He gives a small gulp and slowly blinks, watching with delight as Mikey's baby blue eyes widen. _

_"I don't know how to tell you this but.. you only have a few more hours left to live. This scratch is going to spread up your body, and then shut down your heart and your brain and then you will die!"_

_Mikey's face drops and turns pale. He glances back and forth between the scratch and Raph before stuttering, "R-Really? I'm going to di-die?"_

_A few seconds go by, and Raph pulls in his lips to keep from bursting out in hilarity._

_"Yup, you're just going to fall over and die, all because of that dumb scratch!" Raph states with fake anger, pointing at the hint of blood that escapes from the injury on Mikey's knee. Mikey pulls in a sharp gasp, widening his eyes. Not even a sampling of disbelief crosses his face, and a smile begins to break out from Raph's poker face._

_Finally, Raph can't help but roll backwards, laughing hysterically. He holds his stomach as he leans side to side, joyous tears springing to his eyes. Mikey will believe anything! He's so naïve! The young, red-banded turtle stays like this for a moment, the hilarity of the situation getting the best of him. _

_But suddenly, through his laughter, a small sob rings through the air, making Raph gradually sit back up. Letting his laughter slowly die, he wipes the tears from his eyes, clearing his vision. _

_But Raph's face – and heart – falls as he sees Mikey covering his head with his hands, his shoulders heavily trembling. A hiccup escapes from between his fingers, causing his shuddering body to heave forward._

_"I don't.. wanna.. die," Mikey weeps, his voice muffled. Raph stares at him for a second, a slight scowl on his face. Sometimes, his brother's gullible-ness is hilarious, and other times, it is just downright stupid. Raph opens his mouth, considering saying something along the lines of "take a joke!", but for some reason, thinks better of it._

_"Mikey.. I was just kidding.. you don't need to cry.." Raph tentatively says as he scoots closer to his sobbing brother. A rush of guilt runs through him and Raph attempts to push it away. It's not **his** fault that Mikey is so sensitive. As he realizes he won't be getting a response, Raph quickly adds, "Here, I can go get you a band-aid from Donnie and then we can start all over! I'll be It again, and you can go n' hide!"_

_Mikey looks up at these words, his face covered in his own tears. "Really?"_

_"Yeah!" Raph exclaims, relief flooding through him. "I'll be right back, so stay here!"_

_Mikey smiles at his older brother, wiping his face off with the back of his hand. "Thanks, Raphie."_

_Raph grins back, and then runs off towards Donnie's room._

_Although he might be annoying, Mikey is Raph's little brother._

_And although he will never admit it out loud, Raph loves him anyways._

* * *

><p><strong>So, if you are confused, this fic focuses on Raph and Mikey's wavering relationship. In every chapter, there will be a memory of Raph's that involves Mikey. I love brotherly fluff :)<strong>

**That being said, if you have any suggestions of memories for the next chapter, then make sure to let me know! **

**Please review, but no flames, please.**


	2. Weapons

**A/N**

**Wow, okay. This chapter is nearly 1,000 words longer than the last one..**

**Oh well!**

**Thank you guys so much for your reviews, follows, and favorites. It really keeps me going when I read your kind words that have such anticipation in them for the next chapter!**

**But, I ESPECIALLY want to thank TMNTFan for suggesting such a cute memory! However, I'm sorry, but I didn't add it in this chapter. Next chapter, I promise. I had already had this one planned out before I saw your review. But don't worry; I am already working on the next update.**

**And so, without further ado, enjoy this (cute yet abnormally long) chapter !**

* * *

><p>Raph eyes are heavy as he slips them open. At first, he doesn't know what he's looking at. A skyscraper looms over him, its windows darkened with no sign of human life. The beautiful night sky spreads out around it, a dusting of stars scattered here and there. A few street lights cast a minimal amount illumination as Raph suddenly feels a stinging sensation all over his body. As he sits up, the cold feeling of concrete greets his bare legs. But that gentle feeling is soon replaced by the deep cuts the red-banded turtle gazes upon in confusion.<p>

He sets his hand back down behind him for something to lean on, but a piercing pain lifts into his palm, and he yanks it back. Glancing to see what caused it, Raph spots a large, shimmering, yet clear material lying on the ground behind him. Actually, that one piece is surrounded by many others.

"Is this.. glass?" he mutters to himself as he drifts his gaze to his wounds. The deep cuts run up his legs and all the way to his face, where blood slowly seeps out. In fact, the crimson liquid is so heavy that he feels it running down his neck in multiple streams.

_Weird, _he thinks as he takes the back of his hand and wipes as much off as he can, _I didn't think that cuts bled this much._

It had to have come from the broken glass that is shattered around him.

_But where did the glass come from..?_

Then, without any signal of warning, the brief memories slam back into his throbbing head. The street light.. The loud honk.. Raph had swerved away.. straight into a lamp post..

Looking to a metal rod that is lying beside him, Raph notices how the indent of the lamp post is deep. The light is blown out, probably from the impact it had encountered, but it still doesn't explain as to why glass encircled him as far as he can see.

Furrowing his eyebrows in an irritated confusion, he looks back in front of him – and his breath instantly catches. They had smashed into the skyscraper which Raph had seen when he awoke mere seconds ago, and the fragile windows were shattered with no mercy. But that's not the only thing that stops his heart.

Leo, Donnie, and Mikey lay motionless in front of him.

Raph attempts to swiftly stand up to rush to his brothers' aid, but instantly falls back down with a yelp of pain. His head is pounding like never before as his eyesight goes hazy. Blinking a few times, Raph holds his aching skull. His gives a slight moan as a particular _thump _in his temples thunders, but he shakes it off. He needs to help his brothers.

Getting on his hands and knees, the worn-down turtle begins to helplessly crawl towards the lifeless bodies. He reaches Leo first, and with a wince, reaches up his hands and gently shakes his leader.

"Leo.. Leo, dude, wake up," he mumbles gently, not wanting to excite the pain that runs through his head. "Come on, man. Get up!"

Leo's left eye twitches as he gives out a slight groan. Raph leans back on his heels, giving his brother some space as he begins to slowly sit up. As he waits, the sai-wielder inspects him.

_Nothin' too serious.. Just a little bump and a few cuts from the glass. He'll be fine, _he thinks as his older brother scans the area around them with clouded eyes.

"Raph?" Leo croaks as he puts a hand to his shoulder with a grimace, "What's.. Where are we?"

"We crashed into a lamp post and a building," Raph explains as he nods towards the indented metal rod. At his head's slight movement, a sharp pain pulses through him, and he gives out a small grunt as he squeezes his eyes shut in agony.

At his brother's abnormal reaction, Leo looks up at him and his mouth slightly drops open. Pulling himself up to a full sitting position, he reaches out his hand to examine the wound that the blood is gushing from. But, to his surprise, Raph snaps open his emerald eyes and catches his hand.

"I'm fine, Leo."

"No, you're not! What is that, how did that happen?" Leo questions as he attempts to reach his hand forward again. But Raph gives him a hard stare, making him pause.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" Raph grumbles with anger. But Leo senses the pain behind it as he pulls away his hand. If Raph doesn't want attention, he will do anything to avoid it. He has learned that the hard way multiple times.

Leo gives a slight sigh before responding, "Okay, fine, but as soon as we get back, Donnie is going to have a look at that. By the way.. where is Donnie? And Mikey?"

Raph lifts up a shaky finger and points at his two unconscious brothers that lay a few feet away. Leo bites on the inside of his cheek as he gazes upon his two, helpless brothers. How did they all even end up like this?

"Okay, I'll get Donnie and you get Mikey. We need to hurry up before people arrive to see what the commotion is about," Leo commands as he stands up into a wobbling position. He would just ask questions later; now is definitely not the best time. Raph gives a grunt of agreement as the two eldest brothers begin towards the two youngest.

As Raph crawls closer and closer, his view of Mikey becomes more concerning. The side of his face is on the ground, contorted in pain. He lies on his plastron, his arms spread out around him. It appears that his body was thrown against the side of the building at the time of impact, leaving multiple shards of glass on the back of his shell when the window above him shattered. And not only are there countless amounts of gashes across his entire body, but something else seems off..

Raph comes to a painful stop beside his youngest brother, and begins to reach towards him before his eyes catch the appalling image. Instantly, a taste of throw up emerges into his mouth as he looks away. He swallows hard, willing himself not to yell out in disgust and fear. But he knows that he has to take a look at it, just to see how bad it really is. Just for Mikey's sake.

Raph bites down on his bottom lip as hard as he can as he turns back towards his injured brother. His bloodied right arm is warped in a U shape, twisting and turning at unnatural angles. A piece of bone can be seen desperately trying to break through the pale skin of the turtle, giving it a large, whitened bump. Raph bites down so hard that he feels his own blood seep into his mouth, but he doesn't lighten up. He can only gaze wide-eyed at his little brother.

"L-Leo.." Raph squeaks, his voice barely a whisper, "Mikey's hurt, real bad. You need to get over here and see this, now!"

Raph tears his gaze away from Mikey to uncomfortably look at his leader. He watches as the blue-clad turtle puts Donnie's weak arm across his shoulders for stabilization. The genius's eyes are dull, and he only stands on one foot. He glances up at Raph before looking down at his hanging foot.

"Sorry, I think I fractured my ankle," Donnie chokes out with a broken voice, "And we really – oh good shell, Raph, what happened to your head!"

"Don't worry about me!" Raph spits out venomously, but deep down, he knows he isn't really angered; he's scared. Scared for all their lives. And this is the only way he has come to show it. "Mikey needs help, now!"

At his harsh, abrupt words, the blue and purple-banded turtles glance at one another and limp over to him as fast as they can. It takes a few mind-numbing seconds for them to arrive there, but when they do, they freeze in place. Leo's free hand flies up to his mouth, and Donnie's face pales. Their broken brother lies at their feet, leaving the two brothers flabbergasted.

"Oh my god, Mikey.."

"Don't just stand there like that!" Raph snaps, his head violently reacting. But he doesn't care. They need to get Mikey back to the lair, now. "If Mikey wakes up, shit is gonna go down fast. It's gonna be a hell of a lot of pain for him! We need to hurry up and clean up this mess before any people see and-"

A groan of agony escapes the orange-banded turtle's mouth, sending a cold shiver down Raph's spine.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..._

Raph frantically glances from a horrified Leo and back to his awakening brother. He watches as Mikey's mouth clenches together, veins popping out of his neck.

But before he can even open his eyes, Raph puts a gentle hand on his back and leans down face to face with his little brother.

"Mikey, bro, listen to me. Listen to me, okay? You're going to feel a _shit_load of pain real quick, but don't scream or anything, alright? We don't need humans rushing over to see us right now," he whispers at Mikey's twisted face.

Slowly, Mikey flicks open his eyes, and Raph can see the pure panic in them. His body begins to shake with effort beneath Raph's hand as he holds the scream of agony back down in his throat. His dull eyes are lined with glistening water as he comes to recognize the merciless feeling in his arm.

"It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be just fine, okay? Just keep looking at me, don't look at your arm," Raph whispers with softness in his voice. Something only Mikey can seem to bring out. "Can you stand up?"

Mikey looks at him for a second before a look of effort crosses his face. He gives a slight groan, before falling limp again. Raph raises his eye ridge in confusion.

"Is there.. Is there something on my legs?" Mikey stumbles, his breaths coming in short pants.

"What? No, no, there isn't, why?" Raph gives his brother a quizzical look.

_What is he talking about? We don't have time for this!_

"I can't.." Mikey gives a groan again as he struggles, "I can't feel them!"

"What'da mean you can't feel them? Just get up, good lord, Mikey!"

"I can't, I can't!"

"Are you even trying?! Just get up!"

"Raph!" Leo interrupts, putting a hand on his shoulder. The hotheaded turtle didn't even hear him coming. "Just let it be. We can carry him."

Raph puts his hand on his face, slowly dragging it down.

_Is this really necessary right now? Mikey is bleeding to death! What is the stupidhead talking about right now?_

"We gotta flip him over, then, so I can pick him up," Raph manages to mutter as Leo crouches beside him. His heart falls deeper and deeper as Mikey's face grows paler and paler. His baby blue eyes drift from side to side, obviously struggling to stay alert. "He's losing blood, fast. We need to hurry."

Leo nods, and together, they wiggle their hands underneath Mikey and onto his plastron.

"One, two, _three!_"

With a grunt of effort, Leo and Raph slowly begin to lift and flip Mikey. Raph watches in pain as Mikey's eyes spring back to life and fill with liquid. His bottom lip trembles, his eyes widen, his breathing picks up - and Raph knows exactly what he's about to do.

**"Ow, ow, ow, stop, Leo, ow, STO-!"**

At his excruciating yells, Leo pulls away, but Raph gives a final push, slapping Mikey on his back. He claps his hand over his shrieking brother's mouth, closing his eyes so he doesn't have to look at the hurt in the baby blue orbs.

"Mikey, shh, please, we had to do it!" he says, his head throbbing with intense distress. He feels a small buzzing feeling rush through him, but he shakes it off. He needs to stay strong for his brothers – that was what he is known for, after all; the tough link of the team.

Raph pulls away his hand as he feels Mikey's hot tears touch his shaking fingers. Instantly, Mikey starts gasping through his mouth with his eyes wide with insanity.

"Okay, okay, we gotta head on back now!" Raph commands as he scoops his brother in his arms. He puts one arm under his brother's knees and another arm around his head. Mikey falls limp, biting his tongue in pain. His shattered arm hangs to the side, dripping a pool of blood beneath him. Raph looks down at his little brother, worry rushing through him in waves. He begins to stand, but stars instantly rush into his vision. With a grunt, he sinks back down to his knees, releasing an urgent look from Leo.

"Are you sure that you're gonna be alright, Raphael?" he inquiries as he puts Donnie's arm back around his shoulder, "You're head is gushing.."

"I said I'm _fine, Leo!_" Raph shoots him a warning glance. He positions himself back on his feet, trying not to flinch. He has to show that he's strong enough, that he's capable of handling anything and everything. He looks at his superior with a newly found anger.

"Okay, okay!" Leo says with bewilderment in his tone, "Sorry that I worry about my team members. But before we can go, we need to figure out how to clean up this mess before any humans see."

Raph watches with blurred vision as Leo swipes his free arm around the mess surrounding them. The glass is everywhere, covering every inch of the ground. The four, wrecked patrol buggies are spread out as well. The cushioned seats are ripped to shreds as the fluffy substance inside of them oozes out. The metal plates covering the mechanics were obviously flung in random directions when the crash happened as well, topping the place off with an unpleasant cherry.

Donnie clears his throat before muttering, "We can just push it to the side of the road over there. The light is dim; we can come back before day time and get them before anyone sees them. But we do need to get back to the lab. Mikey's arm is.. hmph.."

A few dense seconds slip by as the three turtles gaze at Mikey. His face is a pale shade of green, and his eyes are beginning to slip shut. The turtle holding him gives a deep sigh, but doesn't expect the consequences. Raph stumbles forward a little, a bit of blackness poking at the edge of his vision. Instantly, his breathing and heart beat pick up as he does an awkward dance to regain his sturdy position. But just as soon as it comes, it disappears, leaving Raph's head weary and drained. Leo gives him a questioning look before returning his attention back to Donnie.

"Okay, we can do.. but..," Leo begins, but Raph doesn't hear the half of it. He squints as he tries to refocus his buzzing head. "Mikey.. supplies.. lab.. needs.."

Raph's eyes begin to droop, and his hearing becomes far too distant. Through the fog covering his eyes, the fragile turtle glances down at his youngest brother who he cradles in his arms. Mikey looks up at him with unease, muttering something Raph doesn't seem to process. The sai-wielder gently shakes his head as he tries to clear it.

_No, stay with it, Raphael. Stay with it.. stay.. for Mikey.._

He feels himself tilting forward, and then, the emptiness conquers his mind.

* * *

><p><em>"See? And this is how you hold them."<em>

_7-year-old Raph holds his sais out in front of Mikey with pride. The four brothers had just recently been able to choose their own weapons, and Splinter was allowing them to use them outside of training just for the day._

_Mikey beams with joy and states, "Okay, okay, let me try! And you can try using my nunchucks, too!"_

_The two brothers switch weapons with eagerness. Backing up a few steps, Raph begins to wildly swing around the nunchucks, laughing to himself as he spins around in circles. He imagines that he is a helicopter, even though he has never seen one in real life. Splinter occasionally talked about the things above the sewers, and it always leaves Raph wondering what it's like up there._

_Mikey fumbles with the sais, trying to remember how his older brother was holding them. Refusing to ask for help, though, he continues to switch his fingers back and forth between the spaces in the weapons. Finally, he smiles to himself. Thinking he has the right handwork, Mikey steps forward and eagerly jabs in front of him. Without warning, the sai slips out of his hand makes a beeline straight for Raph's head._

_Mikey gives a gasp as he watches the sai come closer and closer – bang._

_Mikey opens his eyes, seeing his brother still spinning in circles, perfectly fine._

_"Wait, Raph, where did the thingy go?" he questions as he gazes at his brother. Raph slows and comes to a stop, grinning happily as he pants through his mouth._

_"What thing?"_

_"One of the things flew out of my hand and I saw it go towards your head, but I closed my eyes, and now I can't find it!"_

_"Do you mean this thing, Michelangelo?"_

_Mikey and Raph whip around to face Splinter. Their sensei stands by the kitchen door, and next to him is one of Raph's sais, stuck in the wall. Mikey blushes in guilt and Raph holds in his laughter while Splinter pulls it out._

_"I believe that is enough time with weapons today," Splinter says as he gazes at the two brothers. "Let's go put them back now."_

_Splinter turns and walks towards the dojo, his hands tightly clasped behind him back. As soon as he exits the room, Raph bursts out laughing._

_"What's so funny, Raph? I ruined playing with our weapons today!" Mikey whines as he hands back Raph's one sai._

_"Oh, it's okay, Mikey! We still had fun while we had them!" Raph replies with dying laughter, roughly shoulder-bumping his mellow brother, "And plus, I got to hit it into a wall with my awesome nunchuck moves!"_

_Grateful for his positive attitude, Mikey begins to smile as well. He takes back his nunchucks and, walking side by side, the two young turtles follow their sensei into the dojo._

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><p><strong>Honestly, little baby Raphael and Michelangelo are adorable!<strong>

**That being said, if you have any suggestions for memories for the next chapter, then be sure to let me know.**

**Next up: TMNTFan**

**Reviews are welcome, but no flames, please.**


	3. Forgive and Forget

**A/N**

**"THE INVASION" EPISODE IS SO GOOD ASDFGHJKL.**

**IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN IT, YOU NEED TO GET A-CRACKIN' RIGHT NOW!**

**NICKELODEON, YOU HAVE STEPPED UP YOUR GAME. THANK YOU.**

**Ahem.**

**I don't think I have ever reacted so violently and depressing-ly as I did that episode. That got my creative juices flowing, therefore resulting in this new ****chapter :)**

**Raphael and Michelangelo for the win, son!**

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><p>Raph slides open his eyes. The blinding light directly above him makes him wince in surprise. With narrowed, squinting eyesight, he reaches up an uncertain arm to push away the blinding lamp, but quickly collapses back down with a groan. An aching sensation rushes through him, starting from his legs and straight up to his freshly pounding head. The red-banded turtle can only moan in agony, as he can't move with the unbearable feeling that has grasped his body.<p>

"Raph?"

At the sound of his name, the sai-wielder cracks open his eyes wider. In the corner of a vast room, he sees Donnie's attention focused on him, a wooden clipboard in hand. Slowly, as if not to alarm the injured turtle, the purple-clad brother begins to stumble over to his patient with a small smile. As Raph watches his awkward way of approaching, he notices Donnie's right ankle tightly wrapped in pure white bandages.

_Why does he need bandages..?_

"How are you feeling?" Donnie questions as he staggers closer.

Raph doesn't even respond; he doesn't need to. He only gives his brother an "are you kidding me?" look before slipping his dull eyes shut.

"Okay, okay, so I take that as a 'not so good'," Don replies as he pulls up an office chair next to him. With a small puff of air, he lowers himself into it, and then gazes upon his hotheaded brother. His olive-green skin is covered in slightly bloodied strips of cloth in various places. However, his head is the worst – there are multiple layers of the bandages covering the wounded area, but the blood is still seeming to leak through. Donnie inwardly sighs. This is not going to be easy.

"Why do I feel like shit?" Raph mumbles as he face contorts into increasing pain. Raising a quizzical eye ridge, Donnie is speechless for a moment. Can he not remember?

"Well, um, your head after the crash-"

Raph flings his eyes open and inhales a sharp breath of air.

_The crash.. Mikey.. holy shit._

"Whoa, whoa, calm down!" Donnie exclaims as Raph struggles to sit up. He places a gentle yet firm hand on his brother's plastron, pushing him back down on the make-shift bed he rests on.

"No, where's Mikey? And Leo? Are they okay?" Raph bursts out, clenching his fingers in tight balls. He doesn't have the strength to fight against Donnie – at least, not today. His gives a last push of effort before falling back down with a groan of defeat. At his sudden movement, the small cushion underneath him shuffles a bit to the side. Raph glances down and realizes that he is lying on a steel table with only a tough mattress, a pillow, and a thin sheet of blanket.

_What the hell..? _

Raph looks back up at Donnie's soft brown eyes, the multiple questions on the tip of his tongue.

Donnie bites down on the inside of his cheek and tears his gaze away from Raph's questioning eyes. He stares down at the seemingly meaningless numbers that were quickly sketched onto the paper which he holds. It isn't going to be easy to explain everything to his enraged brother. It'll probably end up with him getting a fist in the face. But he knows he has to anyways.

_Okay, let's start off slow, _Donnie decides as he looks back up to meet a pair of quizzical eyes.

"Leo is okay," the temporary doctor begins, "He claims that his shoulder hurts, but I looked at it and it's only a bruise. He'll be just fine by tomorrow, I hope."

Hoping that that small information will hold him over, Donnie gives an expectant, small smile to Raph. But Raph doesn't let go easily.

"And Mikey? Is Mikey okay?" Raph interrogates with the panic clear in his voice. He can only remember the limp form of his youngest brother in his arms before blacking out, and it worried him more than anyone could ever imagine.

"Well, first, we should start with you, Raph," Donnie replies, blatantly ignoring the questions. "I'll get to Mikey later."

"But-"

"No, I'll get to him later on," Donnie interrupts, his voice slightly shaking. He clears his throat. "After the crash, you got a minor concussion. You're gonna feel a bit woozy for the next few days, but you need to take it easy and not try to rush anything, alright?"

"Mikey-"

"Anyways," Donnie intercepts as he dares to look into his brother's enraged eyes. "After you passed out, we had to pull Mikey from underneath you. You both weren't looking so good. As we were hauling shell out of there, though, Leo noticed security cameras outside of the building we crashed in. We had to take them – I mean, come on, we can't exactly be on video for the whole world to see."

Raph doesn't respond; he's too anxious about what has happened to Mikey that Donnie doesn't seem to want to talk about. But he listens anyways as he wants to hear what he had missed out on.

Donnie continues, "So after we tore off most of the cameras, we had to hide the patrol buggies behind a dumpster in an alleyway. We originally wanted to just push them in the shadows and come back for them later, but it didn't exactly work out because you guys would've taken way more than a couple hours to recover. And then, after who the shell knows how long, Leo and I managed to carry both you and Mikey back to the lair. Trust me, it wasn't easy."

Donnie glances down at his foot and Raph follows his gaze. As soon as he catches sight of the tightly bandaged injury, he feels a pang of guilt push through him. For what, he doesn't know. His memory is vague.

"So I got you all bandaged and stuff," Donnie explains as he moves his eyes back up, "Figured out that you weren't in any fatal condition. You didn't get the worst of the impact when we crashed."

"Well.. who did?" Raph asks as he finds his voice. Although raspy and uncertain, it will do.

Donnie doesn't respond for a while. Instead, he stares at the poster-covered wall behind his brother, unable to meet his eyes. The two sit in an uncomfortable silence. Raph tries to reposition himself into a more suitable place on the stiff bed, but to no avail. The pain in his body holds him hostage.

Finally, Donnie swallows before stating, "You can answer that question for yourself."

Before Raph can respond, Donnie wheels away on the rolling office chair. He glides over to his cluttered desk, and putting his large laptop on his lap, rolls back over to his awaiting brother. He clicks on a few times on the touchpad before handing it over to Raph.

Ignoring the surging pain that rushes through him, the red-banded turtle lifts his arms and holds the laptop steady on his lap. The entire screen is covered with a black and white photo of the outside of a building with a play button straight in the middle. Gliding his hand over the touchpad, Raph presses the triangular button and holds his breath.

There's a flashing time at the bottom right of the video: 12:58 A.M. The poor quality of the color-deprived screen flickers every once in a while as the seconds tick by. The motionless building doesn't change and the consistent lamppost by it's entrance immobile as well. Nothing has happened, and it's leaving Raph restless.

"Donnie, is something-"

But this time, instead of being cut off by his brother, Raph is stopped short by a flash of movement on the screen. Four miniature cars with four large figures in them. Although the sound is nonexistent, Raph can tell that they are giving out yells of warnings, of fright. They're scared. And he knows exactly who they are.

Without a second to waste, the four connected go-carts slam into the lamppost, stealing the light from out of it. As the lamppost begins to fall heavily, the four passengers skid then slam into the side of the glass building. Raph shrinks back as he watches the four turtles being thrown out of their seats in various directions. He watches as his own head slams against the concrete and blood begins to drizzle out of the side of it. He watches as Leo hits the ground on his shoulder, his head lolling around unwillingly. He watches as Donnie flies up, then falls back down on one foot. It bends unnaturally from underneath him before a large piece of metal hits him in the back of the head, leaving him motionless on the ground.

And he watches as his youngest brother is slammed sideways against the side of the building without any sort of resistance. His legs, however, are caught in the car he is sitting in, and it flies through the air with him before being stopped by the glass building. They fall back down onto the concrete together. And the patrol buggy lands on his legs – hard. Raph watches in horror as Mikey screams out silent words, pulling and pulling against the go cart that crushes his legs with only one arm. Finally, he breaks them both free, but before he as any time to recover, his head falls back lifelessly.

The video goes on for a few seconds more, but Raph hardly notices. He can't breathe, he can't speak, he can't even swallow. He's.. in heartbreaking shock.

Realizing that the video must be over by his brother's horrified expression, Donnie pulls the laptop off of him and sets it on the ground. But Raph only continues staring at the area where the screen was previously revealing to him the ghastly images. The silent screams of Mikey come to life in his head as he mentally replays it over and over. His baby brother suffered while the rest of them were instantly out cold.

"He's-" Donnie's quiet voice breaks, but he quickly fixes it before continuing, "He's paralyzed, Raph. He couldn't feel his legs afterwards. That's why he was using his good arm instead of his legs to push off the patrol buggy. That's why he thought that something was on his legs when he woke up."

Raph doesn't respond. He still stares at the same place in the same way. The grief and pain are evident in his foggy eyes, and it deeply worries his other brother. Suddenly, he begins to shudder uncontrollably, and Donnie reaches out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. But before he can even get close, Raph whips up his own hand with a wince of pain, catching his wrist midair.

"..stop."

"Raph, I know it's awful, it really is. But I examined him, and there's still a chanc-"

"That's what they always say, Donnie. You and I both know it."

"Raph-"

"I'm a fuckin' monster. I might as well have just doomed my little brother to hell."

"No, you're not! It's not your fault!"

"It isn't?!" Raph bellows, his voice quivering along with his body. His grasp on his brother's wrist tightens, making Donnie flinch. "Have you even watched that video, were you even there!"

A large creak echoes throughout the room, stopping Donnie from arguing back. The lab door is pushed open and a blue mask flashes in the entrance. Leo hesitantly enters as he takes in the situation unfolding in front of him.

"I thought I heard voices.." he murmurs as he walks up next to Donnie. Cautiously, he looks over his two brothers. Raph is trembling and his eyes are on the verge of insanity. Donnie's face is pale and he is as stiff as a rock. Noticing the tight clutch Raph has on his other brother, Leo bites his lip in concern. "Donatello, I told you not to show him."

"I know but.." Donnie begins, slowly loosening his wrist from Raph's shaking hand, "I couldn't explain to him in my own words. The video was the only other way."

"That's not a valid excuse! You could have at least gotten me to talk to him and then I would've-"

"You would've told me that Mikey's perfectly fine, that it isn't my fault, that everyone is going to be fuckin' dandy? Bullshit. I don't need to hear those lies," Raph snaps as he lets his hand fall to his side again. He watches as Leo's mouth opens and closes, as if he wants to say something, but thinks better of it. "I need to see him."

"Raph, that's useless. You can't walk yet – if you do, you might pass out again. I don't think that it's worth the risk," Donnie intercepts, placing a secure hand on his plastron.

"Well, I think it is."

With the little strength he has left, Raph swats away his brother's controlling hand and pushes himself up onto his elbows. Instantaneously, his head is pounded with a flash of red and he groans heavily.

"Raphael, stop, now! You can't leave yet. You have to stay here," Leo commands as he and Donnie push against their hotheaded brother.

"Get off of me, Leo! I just want to see if Mikey is okay, I'm sorry that I give a damn about my brother's life!" Raph pushes against the four hands that keep him from his little brother. Mikey needs him. He can feel it.

"You never seemed to before, so I'm really doubting it now!" Leo yells out, giving a final push against his brother without any restraint.

Raph slams back onto the bed. Suddenly, he isn't aware if it's someone else screaming or if it's his own voice that is yelling out in agony. Flashes of red cover his eyesight, and he grasps his head in a feeble attempt to calm it's pounding attitude. He feels himself curl into a ball on the bed, his throat sore from the screaming that he supposes belongs to him. And before he knows it, a thread of his sanity dissolves.

o-o-o

_"It's not funny!" 7-year-old Raph screams out, throwing the book that he holds in his hand at his older brother. Leo narrowly dodges it and turns back around to glance at the hole it had created in the wall. Donnie and Mikey's eyes widen in shock; Raph has never actually gotten physical before._

_Mikey knows that his red-banded brother's temper has been a downward spiral the past few months. Every day, something seems to push him closer to the edge – and it was usually Leo. Today, however, was a newly found fight: Leo had just beaten Raph in a spar during training, and being the hothead Raph has become, he couldn't hold back his anger any longer._

_"You need to go to your room and calm down!" Leo screeches back as he tightly crosses his arms. "Master Splinter is going to get mad at you!"_

_"Yeah, cause' Master Splinter always takes your side! You're just a teacher's pet!" Raph spits out. Mikey notices how his hands are opening and closing into tight balls along with his clenching jaw. That can't be a good sign._

_"Well, maybe it's because I don't always have such a mean attitude about everything and everyone!"_

_"Or maybe it's because you are always kissing up to him and doing whatever he says all the time!"_

_"At least I listen to him, though!"_

_"I listen to him too!"_

_"No you don't! All you ever do is compl-"_

_Mikey gasps as another book is thrown at Leo's head. This time, however, it hits him squarely in the head. Leo falls to the floor, covering his face with shaky hands as he gives out a cry. Donnie quickly rushes to his eldest brother's side and whispers gently to him. After a few moments, Don wraps his arms around him while Leo continues to sob in pain. Mikey hesitantly looks back over to Raph, who's sudden anger was replaced by regret when he realized what he had done. The red-banded brother takes an uncertain step forward, but before he can even take another, Donnie stands up with fire in his eyes._

_"Go away! You're mean, you hurt Leo! Why would you do that!"_

_"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! I thought he would duck like last time!" Raph states with the sorrow rising from within him._

_"You shouldn't have done it again, anyways!" Donnie yells out, pointing a sharp finger at his eldest brother. "Now he's all hurt and he's gonna have a bruise on his face because of you! Master Splinter is gonna be so mad!"_

_"Leo, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to!" Raph cries out, taking another step towards his sobbing brother. But before he can get any closer, Leo bolts up and runs away towards his room with his hands still covering his face. Mikey flinches as a door slamming echoes throughout the lair and soft crying can be heard from that direction._

_Shooting Raph a look full of hatred, the purple-banded turtle takes off after him. Mikey watches his brother slowly open the door and slip inside Leo's room before turning back to face Raph. The remorseful turtle is shaking in misery and his emerald eyes are filled with tears. Not knowing what else to do, the youngest turtle walks towards him and puts a gentle hand on his shoulder._

_"L-Leo and-d Donnie h-hate me-e," Raph hiccups out, a soft tear falling from his face. Mikey's own heart falls as he gazes upon his hurting brother. He hardly ever cries, but even when he does, he never does it in front of his brothers. _

_"No they don't. They're just angry. I bet that they'll be happy again soon!" Mikey exclaims with a half-hearted smile. Raph looks at him as he wipes the gently falling tear from his cheek._

_"But they're always fighting with me! And they also called me mean and said that Sensei is going to be mad at me too."_

_"Yeah, but I don't think that he'll be super-duper mad. And they didn't mean it. They're just mad, too. Just like how you didn't mean to throw the book."_

_Raph ponders this for a moment as Mikey watches him expectantly. The orange-clad turtle knows exactly what he's thinking. He always does. He's really the only one who understands him. And Raph can't help but to feel delight at that thought._

_"You're right, Mikey. I didn't mean to throw the book, I really didn't," Raph says with a small smile pulling on the sides of his mouth. The little act of happiness replaces Mikey's uncertain smile with a beam of joy. "We should go get a cheesesicle for Leo. He likes those!"_

_"Yeah!" Mikey exclaims with pure happiness in his voice. "Let's go get it! I'll race you!"_

_With Raph's tears replaced by a small laugh that escapes from his grinning mouth, the two brothers take off towards the kitchen together with their mask tails streaming behind them._

o-o-o

"Raph, oh my god, Raphael. Are you okay? I'm so sorry!"

Raph begins to feel his control coming back over his body. Although his head still ferociously pounds, he can hear the desperate voice that's calling out to him. Almost like he was 8 years ago. Slowly sliding open his eyes, Raph uncurls from the ball he lays in and looks up at Leo's pleading face. How he wishes he can just punch it, yell out to him to get the hell away, to give some of the pain he had just endured to him. But instead, he only gives out a deep sigh.

"It's fine, Leo. I'll just wait until later to see him."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**Honestly, go check out The Invasion right now.**

**If you have any suggestions for memories between Raph and Mikey, make sure to let me know!**

**THANK YOU TMNTFAN FOR SUGGESTING THIS ADORABLE MEMORY!**

**(It turned out a little differently than I expected, but it'll do)**

**Reviews are always welcome, but flames are not!**


	4. Dares

**A/N**

**Ew, school.**

**I have a bunch of projects coming soon, so the updates for all my stories might be a bit delayed. But who knows. Maybe I can manage(:**

**Welp, anyways, enjoy this chapter my friends!**

* * *

><p>Raph picks at the cold pizza on his plate with his fingers. He's not hungry. No matter what Donnie or Leo says to him, he won't – can't – eat it. Giving a grunt, the red-banded turtle picks up the large plate from his lap and sets it on the metal table beside him. Although the movement sends a tiny dash of pain through his head, it definitely is not as bad as it would've been five days ago.<p>

_Five days, _Raph scoffs with disbelief as he drums his three fingers over his legs.

He has been sitting in Donnie's medical lab for five days now. The same bed, the same routine, the same position. The only company he gets is from a hesitant Leo, a medical Don, and an occasionally distant Splinter. He hasn't heard a word about or from Mikey. When he asks about him, he always gets a vague answer. And it's killing him. Which is why he's going to ask to see him today.

As if reading his thoughts, the lab door squeaks open and in tumbles Doctor Donnie. He has a glass of water in one hand and some pills in another with a gentle smile etched on his face.

_Ah yes, right on time, _Raph thinks as he lets out a small groan. He's tired of being treated like a baby, tired of constantly having someone check up on him. He's not dying – he just has a small, teeny tiny scratch on his head, but apparently, that's the end of the world.

"Hey Raph. Here's the aspirin," Donnie warmly greets as he walks over to his patient. He places the glass of water on the table, but then notices the uneaten plate of food. "Why didn't you eat? Leo told you that you have to this time. You haven't eaten since yesterday's breakfast."

"I'm not hungry. Unless you guys want to force that thing down my throat, it's staying just like that," Raph growls back, a hint of irritation in his voice. Donnie gives a look of disapproval, but decides not to push it. Raph is hurting, and this is his only way of showing it. He tries to hide it under a sheet of heavy anger, but Donnie, along with everyone else, knows what he's really feeling. After fifteen years, you catch on to your brothers' habits.

"Raph.." Don begins, sitting himself on the edge of the bed. "You can't just keep sulking like this. It's harder to heal when you're constantly depressed – and that's scientifically proven. You need to just take a breather and let it go."

"Let it go?" Raph restates as he pulls himself up into a straighter sitting position. "You want me to just forget everything that happened, everything that I saw in that video and felt when I was there? That's insane. I don't care what those hardheaded humans think. I'll feel however I want to and I'll heal just fine."

"I'm not saying to forget, I'm saying that you need to accept everything that has happened. And since we don't exactly have a time machine right now, it's the only choice you have. Please. You're only making this harder for yourself and everyone around you."

Raph stares into his brother's eyes for a second before looking down at his own tightened fists.

"Not everyone is around me, though, Donnie. You still haven't let me see Mikey even though you know I want to. What are you and Fearless trying to hide?"

"What?" Donnie questions with disbelief, "We're not hiding anything. What makes you think that? You and Mikey still need to recover some more before you can get back up on your feet. It really hasn't been that long since it happened, Raph."

"It has for me. And what do you mean that 'Mikey still needs to recover'?" Raph shoots as he looks back up. "He's paralyzed; he isn't going to recover, period point blank."

"Raph!" Don incredulously states as he glares into the emerald eyes. "Don't say that! Why would you even think that?!"

"We all know it's true, Donnie! I bet that even Master Splinter thinks that, too. Why are you filling yourself with lies? You'll only fall harder in the end."

"It's not about me! It's about Mikey! If he's always being told that he'll never walk again, then guess what? He won't even try!" Donnie snaps. His harsh tone makes Raph slump over on the inside, but he doesn't show it. He doesn't let others see his defeat. Instead, he lets it out in anger as he replies.

"Sometimes the truth is more helpful than-!"

"The truth? You mean your heartless attitude?! You have no ide-!"

"Heartless?! Your guys' heads are just filled with-!"

"Hope! We're filled with hope for Mi-!"

"It's not hope, it's nonsen-!"

"It's not impractical for us to wish that Mikey gets bett-!"

"You think that I don't want him to get better?!"

"Yes! I do!" Donnie yells out, stopping Raph momentarily. "You're too caught up in your own mind that you can't even think about the impact that this has had for everyone else! _Especially_ Mikey! You _never_ care for anyone but yourself!"

Raph can only stare at his brother, who is now looming over him with clenched fists. A pang of guilt, grief, and hopelessness rushes through him, and suddenly, he feels weak. He averts his eyes to the ground, no longer wanting to even spit in the direction of his brother.

"Just get the hell away from me."

"Raph-"

"Get out Donnie!"

Raph picks up the glass of water on his bedside, and without thinking twice, throws it at Donnie's plastron. Donnie gasps as he tries to back away, but it's too late. As the glass shatters on his chest, Don stumbles backwards, the cold water dripping off of him in streams. He whips back up his head and glares at Raph with such intensity that even the tough, red-banded turtle finches at the hatred in his scowl.

"You know what? Fine! You go ahead and try to care for _everyone else_ by _yourself_!" Donnie shouts, his eyes narrowing even more with each word. He throws the three pills at Raph's injured head then storms out, slamming the lab door behind him and leaving behind a devastated brother.

Giving out a yell of frustration, Raph kicks the layers of blankets off of him and puts his head in his hands as he slouches over weakly. He.. didn't mean to throw the cup. But he did, and now, he can't do anything to take it back. Donnie is completely stressed with caring for both him and Mikey, and Raph is only making it worse for his younger brother.

Raph heavily sighs as he massages the right side of his head with his three fingers.

He can't do this for much longer. He can feel the hatred steaming off his brothers that surround him in a dense fog. They try to hide it, but Raph gets a feeling that it's always there. Even Splinter who, although he doesn't say it out loud, Raph knows that he's constantly giving him a look of deep disappointment. As if Raph isn't hurting enough as it is.

He focuses on his breathing, letting the rage/hurt slowly hiss out with each breath.

Inhale, exhale.

_This is insane._

Inhale, exhale.

_We're all losing it._

Inhale, exhale.

**_I'm_**_ losing it._

Inhale, exhale.

_Mikey, where are you when we need you most.._

Inhale, exhale.

o-o-o

_The four brothers of 8 years of age sit in front of their master, their heads bowed in shame. Splinter looks down upon them, the irritation and anger in his eyes apparent as he lifts and taps his staff on the ground. At his sudden movement, all four turtles flinch instinctively, awaiting a reprimanding blow to the head. But instead of pain, their sensei's words flow through them._

_"You are dismissed. There will be an extra hour of training tomorrow at sunrise. Do not be late."_

_"Hai, Sensei," the four turtles mumble hesitantly as if they don't want to break the heavy silence with their words. One by one, they stand then leave the dojo before coming together again in the common room._

_"Well," Raph begins as he plops down on the couch, "That went well."_

_"Don't be like that, Raph. I'm not in the mood for jokes right now," Leo replies as he crosses his small arms in front of his plastron. His blue eyes scan in the ground in misery, and Raph can't help but notice it._

_"You really need to let loose, Leo. You let Sensei's anger take over you too much. Just chill out for a bit."_

_"We can't 'chill out' right now, Raph," Donnie intercepts as he walks over to the couch as well. "If you would've been more focused and stuff during training, then we wouldn't have had to do everything ten times over and we would also have our electronics back too!"_

_"Wait, it's not all Raph's fault," Mikey explains as he gives all his brothers a quizzical look. "We all were in training together, and so we all messed up together. It's all of our faults."_

_"Hmph," Leo mutters underneath his breath. "I disagree."_

_Luckily, Raph doesn't hear him, and Mikey lets out a breath that he didn't realize he was holding. They have had enough fighting for one month – at least, in Mikey's opinion. The four turtles sit in a heavy silence, the only sound being the constant movement that happens above them on the surface. As Mikey breathes in, he can literally taste the pressure in the air. Giving out a sigh, he lets out a suggestion._

_"We should play a game."_

_At this, the three other brothers look up in curiosity. The youngest turtle gazes around the room in glee as he tries to spring up any ideas. Then, a wide smile stretches across his face, and he turns back to meet eyes with his brothers._

_"What game?" Raph replies with hidden anticipation. Finally, they won't have to go another day of boredom after training ends!_

_"I was thinking, like, a game of dares! We can give each other dares to do and we have to do it, no matter what! We can call it.. Dares!"_

_"Such a creative person," Donnie whispers, pulling out a smile from both Leo and Raph._

_"Okay, I guess I will play," Leo happily responds as he walks closer to his brothers._

_"Me too," Don replies with a smile._

_"Me three," Raph continues, beaming._

_Mikey gives a hoot of joy and sits on the ground before being accompanied by his three brothers, all of them smiling. And that's what Mikey likes to see most._

_"Okay, okay, I go first! Donnie, I dare yoooou.."_

o-o-o

"You always cheered everyone up," Raph mutters into his hands. Slowly, he brings them up to rub at his tired eyes before dropping them back down and staring at the lab door. He has to see Mikey. The anxiety is killing him.

The sai-wielder takes in a deep breath before swinging his numb legs over the side of the bed. He can do this. He doesn't need to wait another three weeks for Doctor Don's approval. At the infuriating mention of Donnie in his head, Raph gets all the energy he needs. Without hesitation, he drops his feet onto the cold floor and the rest of his body follows. There is a twinge of pain that knocks on the edges of his head, but Raph doesn't seem to notice. He's standing – finally.

Taking one unsteady step at a time, the red-banded turtle heads for the lab door. As he reaches it, he cracks it open slightly. Peeking in, he cautiously scans the area. The common room is completely empty and silent.

Who knows where Don went. Leo is probably in his room meditating. Raph lets out an irritated sigh at his eldest brother, wondering why he doesn't relax for a bit. Either way, the two Mother Geese are gone.

In other words: Raph is free to do whatever. And he's using this advantage for one purpose only.

His walking becoming more confident, Raph heads towards the four turtles' rooms. The eerie silence of the area creeps down his spine as he stumbles forward. With Mikey gone, the family didn't have amusing movie nights or argued about who got the last slice of pizza. It's almost as if the young, goofy balanced out the fun and stress in their lives. But now..

Raph sighs slightly and shakes his head. This is all so messed up. He's never missed someone so much before, but he'll never admit it. It makes him sound weak, and weakness is not an option. As he walks up the cold, concrete steps, a small shuffle behind him makes him stop dead in his tracks.

_Crap, Donnie's back._

Clenching his jaw in frustration, Raph spins around, preparing for an argument as to why he is out of bed. But as he looks around, no one is there. The room is still empty. Giving out a sigh of relief, the turtle begins to turn again, but another flicker of movement catches his eye. Whipping back around in confusion, Raph studies the area behind him.

There, on the couch, is a sleeping body.

Raph's heart skips a beat as he realizes it's Mikey. His baby brother, lying almost lifeless on the couch. All because of Raph's inability to follow Leo's orders.

Swallowing hard, Raph walks towards his broken brother. As he approaches, his heart shudders and drops at the sight of Mikey. Almost every inch of his body is covered in red-tinted bandages and his face is not etched with the wide grin the goofy turtle usually has; it's twisted in pain.

Stopping at his brother's side, Raph crouches down on his knees and can only look at him for a few long moments. His emerald eyes sweep over his youngest brother, taking in the pain he has endured for the past few days. Greif and agony pull at his every fiber, filling him with a sadness he has never experienced before. It surprises him, but he lets it rush through him without restraint as he gazes at his brother. He doesn't deserve the strength to push away the melancholy feeling. What he _does_ deserve is to be in his broken brother's body. Suddenly, he can't help it.

Gripping his brother's weak hand, the angst-ridden turtle bends over and leans his head on the edge of the couch, hiding his eyes. Mikey is never going to be the same. He can feel it. He knows.

His breath hitches slightly, but he quickly recovers.

_Don't cry, Raphael. You're better than that. Keep it under control._

A small tug on his hand makes Raph whip his head back up. Mikey grumbles a bit before baby blue orbs begin to slip open. Shocked, Raph releases his hand from his brother's and sits back on his heels as the orange-banded turtle begins to wake.

"Raph?" Mikey mumbles as he reaches up his hands to rub the sleep from his dull eyes.

Raph tries to respond, he really does, but his voice is lost in the mist of his agony. Mikey's cerulean eyes look over him in curiosity as the younger brother gives a weak smile.

"How are you, dude? Are you.. feeling any better?" Mikey continues as he realizes that his brother is at a loss for words. But he still doesn't respond. Raph stares into his eyes, feeling the pain and depression that emancipates from them. His baby brother – paralyzed, broken, helpless.

Because of him.

His small breaths get caught in this throat again, along with a lump, but it's harder to swallow down this time.

"..I-I'm sorry, Mikey, oh god, I am so sorry.." Raph manages to stutter, the demanding hot tears springing into the corners of his eyes. All promises he made to not cry vanished as he looks over his little brother. Not wanting to show any emotion, though, Raph swings his head away, but he knows it's already too late. Mikey saw them.

"Raph? Hey, bro, it's okay, I'm okay," Mikey soothes, propping himself up on his elbows. He gazes at the back of his older brother's head as a wave of sorrow washes over him. But Raph only shakes his head in denial. He's not okay, and he never will be.

Mikey takes in a deep breath, a familiar sensation of comfort for his hotheaded brother rushing into him. This isn't the first time he has had to reach out a helping hand to Raph, but it certainly doesn't happen often. In fact, it hasn't happened in years. Raph's shoulders begin to shudder, and Mikey hears the sharp intakes of breaths he's inhaling. But, instead of seeking comfort from his little brother, the red-banded turtle suddenly stands and begins to walk away without another word.

"Raph, no, please don't leave!" Mikey exclaims as he reaches out a hand and desperately grabs his brother's wrist. He can't let him walk away; if he does, he won't come back. Mikey can feel it. He knows his brother.

The sai-wielder pauses at his gentle touch, his back still towards his little brother. Mikey watches in hurt as a glistening drop of water falls from his brother's face and shatters on the ground. Before another one can escape, however, Raph raises his free hand and brings it around to wipe his face from the other side of his shell. Mikey opens his mouth, but before a word can even slip through his lips, Raph intercepts.

"Let go of me, Mikey."

The youngest turtle's heart drops at his brother's rough and firm voice. Raph is hurt, and so is Mikey. Why is he pushing everyone away when he needs them most?

"Raph, no, please, stay here," the youngest turtle pleads again as he gives a slight tug on his brother's arm. But Raph jerks back forward, nearly pulling him off the couch. Mikey gives out a yelp of fright as his body rolls closer to the edge. If he falls, then he won't be able to get back up. But he still holds onto his Raph as if it's the last thing he will ever do.

"I said, let go of me, Mikey. Now."

"No, Raph!" Mikey yanks on his brother's arm, dragging him backwards without warning. He watches as Raph falls onto his shell with a startled gasp, his right arm still being held up by the younger turtle's tight grip.

Rapidly, Raph stands and flips around, his watery, strained eyes filled with fury. Yanking out of his brother's hand, he raises his fist with instinct. He's shaking with anger, something that Mikey is far too familiar with. But his baby blue eyes still manage to widen in shock as he tries to curl up in a helpless heap.

"Stop, stop, Raph, stop!" the defenseless turtle cries out, clamping his eyes shut in terror. Pulling his arms over his head, he cowers helplessly. Raph doesn't hold back when he's fighting with Mikey. He never has. And so, Mikey awaits the impending blow.

But it doesn't come.

Hesitantly, he slips open his eyes to look up at his brother.

Raph's entire body is limp, and his eyes are closed with a soft tear sliding down the side of his face. Slowly lowering his softening fist, Raph mutters a few words that makes Mikey's heart drop like a stone in water before running back to the lab.

Mikey watches as the door clicks shut behind him before lying back down again. Normally, he would have gone after his hotheaded brother, but with his legs and all..

Hesitantly, he tries to pull the muscles that control his toes. But he doesn't even know where to look anymore. All feeling down there is lost.

Slowly, he helplessly breathes in and out, reflecting on what had just happened. Raph is falling apart along with the rest of his family. The young turtle can already see it. Mikey is too, however, he's better at hiding his pain - sometimes. But to him, Raph is an open book, ready to be read and have all of it's feelings pour out through unspoken words.

His own eyes suddenly sting of threatening tears as the final whispered words of Raph spin around in his head.

"_I don't want to hurt you more than I already have_."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**Mikey being so serious is so rare..**

**And so is Raph being so.. caring..**

**Bwahahahaha oh well.**

**Reviews**** are always welcomed, but flames are nott!**


	5. Doubts

**A/N**

**AHHHHH THE PREMIER IS TOMORROW, HURRYYYYY UPPPPPP.**

* * *

><p>Raph stands over his make-shift bed in the lab, his hands pushing into the side of mattress. He takes a few shuddering breaths before gradually regaining control of himself. Quickly, he wipes away the stray tears on his face as he scolds himself for being too emotional. That can't ever happen again. Ever.<p>

But when he saw Mikey's face fall in a deep sorrow, he lost it. He can't stand the thought that his baby brother is lying broken on the couch because of his reckless behavior. It's _heart wrenching_, and that overpowering feeling grasps at Raph's very being every time he thinks of his younger brother.

A sharp ache jabs in the middle of his head and Raph gives out a small groan. Sitting himself back onto the all-too-familiar bed, he massages his right temple with a wince of pain. This is all so messed up. What's he going to do when Don comes back? Mikey's going to be sure to let the genius know that he had left his temporary hospital, and when the news is spread, all hell is going to break loose. And Mikey..

His baby brother's heart is probably shattered. He shouldn't have left. He should have stayed there with him on the couch. But he couldn't. Just the sight of him tore away at the little sanity Raph has left.

Completely exhausted, the red clad turtle swings his legs onto the bed and lies down. He attempts to count the holes in the plain ceiling above him in order to distract his mind, but to no avail. What is Mikey going to do if he never recovers? Not only with his legs, but his arm as well. The horrific images of the awkwardly bent limb rushes into Raph's mind without warning, causing him to wince in agony. This is too much to handle.

_And what's worse is that it's my fault._

Letting out a distressed sigh, Raph closes his fatigued eyes, praying for sleep that he knows will be hard to come.

o-o-o

_"Can't sleep?"_

_Raph turns his head to look at his younger brother who had managed to sneak up behind him. Mikey sips out of a glass of water in his 13-year-old hands before settling down next to Raph on the couch. _

_"Yeah," Raph breathes out, shifting his position as the weight of the new body sags down his side of the couch. "Somethin' like that."_

_"..You should really apologize to Leo, bro," Mikey whispers as he turns the small cup in his hands over and over. "You both said some awful stuff. You didn't mean it, though, right?"_

_Raph bites down on his bottom lip before resting his head on the cushion behind him. What is he supposed to say? Some things he did mean, and others were just a natural reaction. But what puzzles him the most is that Mikey knows he is still worrying over the feud between him and his eldest brother. Maybe he isn't as good as hiding his emotions as he thought he was._

_"I just don't understand why __**I **__have to apologize," Raph decides to grumble. A soft _clink _indicates that Mikey has set his glass down on the wooden coffee table in front of them. "It's not __**all**__ my fault this time. But Splinter always takes Leo's side. I guess he does like him the most."_

_"That's not true." Mikey's stern voice surprises his brother, but Raph doesn't say anything about it. "Sensei doesn't pick and choose, dude. That's all just in your head."_

_The red clad turtle lets out a soft, bitter laugh as he stares up at the ceiling. "Yeah, right. You obviously haven't been around Leo and Splinter for the past 13 years then, Mikey. I don't know what other signs you need."_

_"I guess I've missed out. What signs have they already gave us?"_

_"Like when Splinter only uses Leo for demos during training and then praises him like he's already a Master of Ninjitsu," Raph shoots, the anger that he always feels whenever that situation happens rising and entering his sharply spoken words. "Or when Leo got to pick his weapons first when we were choosing them. That was real great. Or what about all the times when Splinter only wanted to meditate with Leo and no one else? Could it get any more obvious? If you still can't see, do you realize how Sensei only seems to casually talk to Leo and barely addresses no one else unless absolutely freakin' necessary? Maybe about all the times where-"_

_"Raph.." Mikey says nothing more after that, but it still stops his brother momentarily before starting up again._

_"Have you seen the way Splinter always serves Leo first when having dinner? I mean, come on-"_

_"Raph."_

_"And Sensei always gives Leo that look of pride, but does he ever give me that? Nope, not one freakin-!"_

_"Raph!"_

_"And I'm tired of it! I'm tired of always being compared to His Most Perfect Son! I'm never goin' to be like Leo, can't Splinter just realize that?! Is that too much to ask? Am I not good enough for His Majesty?! How do you not see all these things, how do you not feel the same way I do?!"_

_Raph didn't realize until now that he is bent over his knees on the edge of the couch, his eyes shut in pain with his hands clasped tightly in front of him. He also didn't seem to notice how close Mikey is to him, or the hand that is lovingly placed on the back of his shell. The two sit in the deep silence of the night, the only sound being Raph's heavily choked breathing._

_"..It's not about Leo, is it?" Mikey murmurs, rubbing a small circle on his brother's back. Raph weakly shakes his head and swiftly blinks the tears out of his eyes._

_"I just.." Raph trails off, not knowing what to say at this point. But Mikey doesn't judge him or mock him or pity him. He never has, and that's what Raph appreciates the most. He can almost taste the feeling of complete compassion drifting from his younger brother._

_Before he can do anything about it, he feels Mikey's gentle hand leave his shell and grasp onto his arm. With a tough tug, the youngest brother yanks him up out of his crouching position and pulls him towards his body and into a soft hug. Without thinking twice, the hotheaded brother nuzzles his head into Mikey's neck and closes his eyes in bliss. This is what he needs - to know that he is loved and wanted._

_"Sensei doesn't pick and choose, Raph," Mikey gently repeats with a soft murmur. "And even if he does, it's not Leo's fault, bro."_

_"I know," is all that manages to escape Raph's quivering mouth as he pulls his younger brother tighter to him. He doesn't know what he would do without Michelangelo. But he also doesn't know what he will do if his youngest brother goes off tattling to Leo and Don about his emotions which are supposed to be sealed away from everyone else. But his doubting thoughts are cleared when Mikey simply whispers into his ear:_

_"Okay."_

_And so, the two brothers sink into each other's embrace on the couch, not saying a word as the hours of the night slip through their fingers._

o-o-o

"**Raphael!**_"_

Raph wakes with a start, instantly sitting up on the bed. The sudden movement shoots pain through his head and he gives a slight groan as he winces. But as the throbbing slides away, he comes to notice Donnie standing over him with anger dancing in his eyes.

"..I don't feel like talking to you, Donnie," Raph sharply sighs as he lies back down. But Don only lets out a bitter snort as he inches closer to his drained patient.

"Yeah, well, you don't exactly have a choice right now, _pal_," Donnie states as he glares down at his brother's sleeping form. "Why did you get out of bed?"

"News flash: I'm not staying in here forever. I'm not some kinda caged animal that has to follow your every command. I can do what I want," Raph spits as he rolls over onto his side.

"I hope you know that visiting Mikey did no good. It only made things worse. He's a wreck right now because of you – worse than before, at least."

"Why do you insist on shoving that fact straight in my face over and over again? I _know_ this is my fault, dammit! I don't need you hovering over me like some kind of dark cloud!" Raph props himself up on his elbows, glaring at his younger brother. But Don doesn't budge underneath his menacing gaze. He only returns the favor.

"You sure don't seem the tiniest bit regretful of it. You think that the only way to deal with anything is through anger – and you're wrong!"

"Who the hell said I was angry? Stop putting words in my mouth!"

Donnie lets out an exaggerated puff of air. "When are you _not _angry, Raph? That seems like a more logical question. Not that I expected you to be reasonable or anything."

"..Are you kiddin' me right now? Are you _kiddin' me?!"_

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"What the hell do you have against me, Donnie?" Raph now sits on the edge of the bed, face to face with his brother. Enough is enough. "Why are you even here right now?"

"If I _weren't_ here right now, then you and Mikey wouldn't either, so save that complaint for later."

With that, Raph jumps out of his bed, hovering over Donnie. Suddenly, he finds it harder to control his shaky breathing. He grabs Donnie's leather strap without even thinking, pulling him closer to his face. The two brothers' heated breaths mix into one, fiery storm as they stare each other in the eyes with disgust.

"I am so fuckin' done with you, Donatello. _I am done!_"

Suddenly panicked, Don puts his hand on his brother's chest and shoves Raph away from him, sending the hotheaded turtle stumbling backwards. But the fury that's inside the red clad turtle only intensifies – and Donnie realizes that far too late. Pulling out his bo-staff, the petrified purple-banded turtle puts distance between him and his fuming brother. Raph snarls and bitterly curses underneath his breath as his head throbs painfully from his awkwardly forced back pedaling.

"_LEO!" _Don desperately screams as Raph regains his balance. Luckily, he had removed Raph's weapons when he first brought him home from the incident, and he silently praises his past-self. If he had his sais, then who knows what would happen..

"Awh, how cute," Raph coldly shoots as he takes a fighting stance. "Callin' for Mama Leo when things suddenly get too tough for you."

"Raph, please stop. I don't want to do this," Donnie pleads as he backs away towards the lab door. But his brother only follows him, taking two steps forward when he takes one backwards.

"Oh, I see. So you want _me _to stop what _you _started?" Raph growls, clenching his fists over and over again. "Unbelievable yet completely predictable."

"I didn't mean what I said, Raph. You have no idea that amount of stress I'm feeling right now!" the younger brother responds, taking another step towards his only escape.

"Yeah, I kinda do, Donnie! You think I don't feel the pressure of all the blame that you guys lay on me every day? Hell, I lay it on myself even harder! Mikey might as well be _dead_ right now because of me!" Raph suddenly yells out, making Donnie jump a bit. But his terrified nature suddenly stops short when a flash of pain rushes through Raph's blazing eyes. But it's quickly chased away by the look of hatred and disgust. Either way, Don had seen it, and it breaks his heart. Hesitantly, Donnie lowers his staff to his waist as he studies his brother's face.

"Raph," he begins softly, the gentle words ringing through the tense air. "I-"

"What's going on?!" Leo slams open the door, his right hand brushing over one of his katana handles. The two feuding brothers glance at one another before meeting eyes with their leader. For a few long moments, the only sound is Leo's heavy breathing as he studies his two brothers. "Raphael, why are you out of bed?"

"Save it, Leo. I already got lectured by Doctor Donnie," Raph mutters, his emerald eyes suddenly shifting to the floor as he steps out of his offensive position. Then, he adds, "I went to see Mikey."

"What?" Leo questions as he lowers his hand to his side. He eyes drift over to Donnie's, who are filled with an indescribable gloom. "You let him see Mikey? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't _let _him see Mikey. He got up without my permission. I didn't know," Don replies as he tensely puts back his staff. He can't help but to glance behind to shoulder to make sure Raph isn't charging at his defenseless back. But the hotheaded turtle only meets his eyes for a second before wandering off again.

"I just-" Raph's voice breaks, causing his two brothers to look at him with concern. But he quickly shakes it off, scolding himself for coming off too vulnerable. "I just don't know why you guys are so against me goin' to see him. It's not the end of the world if I do."

"You just aren't in the best state of mind to be seeing him right now," Leo explains gently as he loosely crosses his arms.

"Who is?" Raph questions as he meets the blue-banded turtle's gaze. They lock eyes for a moment, but Raph quickly breaks it off. "I mean, if anything, I should be out there and helping him. Not locked up in here against my own will like Donnie's little pet!"

"We're not keeping you prisoner. Whether you realize it or not, we're trying to help you," Donnie softly intercepts, keeping his tone steady as to not anger his brother again. But Raph shoots him an empty glare and Don is suddenly at a loss for words. He knows he barely escaped this fight by a hair and Raph wouldn't hesitate to ruin his luck.

"I think I can handle it just fine. Can you two Mother Hens trust me for once?" the red clad turtle questions as he flickers his gaze back and forth between his brothers. Don and Leo glance at one another, an unspoken conversation reflecting through their questioning eyes. Raph waits a few long moments, his annoyance building up even higher as his two brothers refuse to respond. An irritated groan seethes from his throat, attracting the attention back to him. Finally, Leo gives an uncertain sigh and turns his gaze back to his awaiting brother.

"Fine, Raph. You can go see him later. But right now, you need to rest because all this activity is going to take a toll on you." Raph instantly opens his mouth to argue, but Leo quickly adds, "That's the _only way_ I'm letting you out of here."

Giving a groan of frustration, the defiant turtle spins around and walks back towards his bed. With much exaggeration, he plops himself on the mattress, shoving his face into the tough pillow. Donnie and Leo watch him for a few silent moments, relief washing over them as Raph obeys without a fight for the first time in who knows how long.

"..I'm going to go meditate with Splinter for a bit," Leo states, turning back towards the lab door. Then, quietly, he whispers, "Try not to piss him off, Donnie."

"No promises," Don groans silently as Leo shuts the door behind him. The two remaining brothers sit in an edgy silence, both of them not knowing what to say. What is there to say?

".. Don't you have some nerdy textbook to read or somethin'?" Raph decides to mumble into the pillow, breaking the eerie stillness of the air. Donnie inwardly sighs before walking over to him. He doesn't let himself think through his actions this time. Sometimes it's better to go with what you think is right. He places a gentle hand on his brother's shell without a second thought, making Raph tense up.

"I'm sorry, Raph. I really didn't mean what I said. It's just with both you and Mikey on the verge of.." Donnie trails off, and Raph slightly turns his head to look up at his brother with a glint of concern in his eyes. "I don't know. But can we just forget this? I'm tired of fighting with you."

"Yeah, sure Don, whatever you say," Raph mutters slyly. He can't help but notice the way his brother's shoulders relax with his approval. "But it comes with a price."

The purple-banded turtle shoots his brother an alarmed, wide-eyed look, filling Raph with a minor happiness.

"I'm just kiddin', calm down. Of course I forgive you," the hothead softly laughs, giving Donnie a small smile. Don gives him a friendly punch on the shoulder before heading back to his cluttered desk in the corner.

"I never asked for forgiveness. And you're a real jerk, you know that?"

"Wow, that's completely new. I never heard that before."

"Well maybe if you listened-"

"Pfft, don't even start with me, D."

Donnie flashes Raph a small beam and his brother half-heartedly returns the favor. But as the scientist shuffles a few papers around on his desk, Raph's mind buzzes with too many thoughts to thoroughly process. Some are good, some bad, some utterly and completely out of the ordinary. Silently groaning from the swirling questions, Raph flips onto his shell and stares up at the ceiling. Mikey. Mikey is the only thing racing through his mind. He opens his mouth to say something to Donnie, but nothing comes out. Together, they sit in a stubborn silence before the red clad turtle swallows hard and decides to break it.

"So, when you said that Mikey was a wreck.."

Donnie gives out a huff of air, setting his hands on the edge of his desk. Raph's mouth sets in a taut, straight line as his brother vacantly sweeps his eyes over the documents in front of him. Maybe it was too soon to ask..

"He said that he didn't like to see you like that. It made him feel… bad, I guess is the best way to put it," Don breathes out, sitting himself down in his office chair. Any trace of happiness that was previously in his voice has dissolved into a more sophisticated and scientific manner, and Raph hates it.

"..Is he, ya know, okay, though?" Raph shuffles a bit on his bed and sits up. Don glances at him from across the room before slightly smiling to himself. His older brother gives him a questioning look, and his grin breaks out even larger.

"You know, I like this side of you more than anything." His softly spoken statement throws Raph off a bit, but the hotheaded turtle can only seem to blink in response. "You're actually caring about Mikey rather than chasing him around the lair like a hothead. It's too bad we don't see that more often."

"Yeah, yeah," Raph tries to blow it off, but by the look on Donnie's face, he knows it doesn't work. "You guys act like I have no heart or somethin'."

Don lets out a snort of laughter, and his brother shoots him a look. "Well, we never said you didn't have a heart. It's just frozen around the edges a bit, that's all."

"Har-de-har-har, Donnie," Raph playfully growls. "Now answer my question."

"I shouldn't be speaking his mind. It's _his _mind, anyways. You should ask Mikey yourself."

"Yeah, I plan to if Splinter Jr. decides to let me out of my cage."

"It's best to keep wild animals locked up."

"Donn-!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" Donnie lets out a small laugh before turning serious again. "You do need to rest, though. I don't exactly want to face the wrath of Leonardo when he finds out you didn't obey his orders - again."

"Psh, whatever you say," Raph mumbles with a hint of irritation. Don gives a slight smile as his older brother climbs beneath the sheets and roughly twists and turns beneath the scratchy covers before settling. Usually – especially Mikey – the turtles would snuggle into the warm environment of their bed, but Raphael is "too tough" for that. Slightly laughing, he continues to watch his brother's broad shoulders slowly go into a soft rhythm of rising and falling before turning back to his work. Suddenly, things didn't look so bad for the strange family of five.

But he didn't know what was soon to come.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**Oooh, cliff hangers.**

**Reivews are aaaaalways welcome, not matter what, my faithful readers(:**


	6. Comics

**A/N**

**Just so you know, this story is not Tcest nor is it MikeyxRaph.**

**Can't we all just appreciate a little brotherly fluff? :3**

* * *

><p>"Donnie, I'm fine, I've told ya a million – whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, hold up, what the hell is th – athgh!"<p>

As the scientific turtle forcefully shoves the thermometer into his brother's mouth, Raph's words are abruptly cut short. Although the hotheaded turtle begins to resist the metal instrument in his mouth, a hard look from Donnie helps him relax – with high irritation, that is.

"99.68," the doctor states after a few short moments as the tool begins to obnoxiously beep. He pulls the thermometer out of his brother's mouth and Raph angrily wipes away a string of spit from his mouth. "Not bad."

"Yeah, yeah, that's great." The amount of sarcasm in Raph's flat voice makes Donnie smirk a bit. "Are you done playin' check up with me yet?"

"I just want to make sure you're feeling okay, Raph," Don says as he wipes the end of his precious health tool against the side of his leg and drops it back into the bright red box that lies on the bed. He tries to ignore the slight eye roll his patient gives him as he clicks the medical kit shut.

Raphael growls in irritation."And, whaddya know, I'm just fine like I've said I've been for the past ten minutes!"

"It's important to be accurate."

Raph lets out a noisy puff of air. "Whatever. I say you just go for the kill."

"Honestly, what cave were you hatched in?" Donnie teases as Raph slides off the worn mattress. He can't help but notice the way his red clad brother sways a bit on his feet. No use in arguing with him about it, though.

"Hopefully somewhere far from here. And I would really like to go back," Raph replies, giving his brother somewhat of a playful smile.

"Yeah, well, if you want to go see Mikey, I'm almost positive that you wouldn't want to meet inside a dreary hunk of rock."

At the sound of his brother's name, Raph's happiness soars high in the sky – only to be brought down again by a dreadful hawk. He's not quite sure if he wants to meet Mikey again. Scratch that, he _wants _to see him, but what he doesn't know is if Mikey still appreciates his company.

"..Okay, well," Don continues, flashing him an odd look. It isn't until then that Raph realizes he had been silent for a few awkward moments. "Try to not scare him off. I think he's watching another Space Heroes episode on the couch."

_It's not like he can run away from me even if he wanted to._

But instead of voicing that self-defeating thought, Raph only briefly nods before starting across the lab, his direction pointed towards the exit. Just as he squeals the large metal doors open, Donnie's voice gives him one last word of advice;

"It's going to be okay, Raph."

He wishes he could believe that.

o-o-o

A giggly laugh bursts through the lair as Raph walks into the common room. It's followed by a more sophisticated, deeper one, but it's just as giddy as the first. Only two people in this family can get worked up like this. Raph reflexively gives out a small groan of annoyance.

"Dude, did you see that explosion?!"

"How could you miss it!"

"That was flippin' amazing!"

Raphael can't stop his small smile, though, as his gaze lands on Leo and Mikey, who are watching another episode of Space Heroes just as Donnie had said. The eldest and the youngest are splayed out on the floor, a fortress of pillows and blankets propping up their heads and surrounding their bodies as they intensely scan the TV. You often don't find the two together; Leo is usually holed up in the dojo meditating or training while Mikey is causing mayhem all around the lair. It's something Raphael has come to both love and hate about them.

But Raph's smile slightly falters, though, as he takes notice of Mikey's tightly wrapped arm loosely resting next to him on the floor. His wandering emerald eyes also seem to take into account of how lifelessly Mikey's legs are spread out in front of him. Not to mention the countless amount of bruises and cuts that are scattered throughout over the small body. Suddenly feeling a need to shut his eyes in order to block out the truth, Raph takes in a quick, shuddering breath.

He caused that. He caused so much pain to his baby brother.

"Raph!" Mikey suddenly exclaims, forcing his eyes to pop back open and the sly smile to slide back onto the hotheaded turtle's face. Eagerly, the youngest turtle pats the floor next to him with a wide grin. "Dude, you came right at the best part!"

"Lucky me," Raph playfully grumbles as he walks over to his brothers. He sets himself down between the two turtles despite the groan of irritation Leo gives him. However, the leader makes no effort to send him away. He must know that Raph wants to be close to their brother, and for once, the red clad turtle is able to say that he appreciates something Fearless does.

As soon as he's settled and comfortable, Mikey gently leans into him and Raph lets out a slight sigh. He doesn't deserve such nice treatment from his baby brother. He had been expecting the cold shoulder, the silent treatment, or even straight-out ignorance. But no; the little punk is nuzzling up against him with all the love in the world.

_How can he do this? How can he just forgive and forget so easily?_

"Mike and I already ate all the popcorn," Leo cheerfully states, breaking through Raph's bitter thoughts. "Did you want some?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Raph mutters somewhat irritably. He feels the warm presence of Leo leave his side as the leader stands up, stretching out his limbs with a wide yawn. "Don't burn it this time, Fearless."

"I never burn anything," Leo defensively states as he bends to pick up a large glass container that rests on the couch. However, the distasteful scent drifting from the kitchen says otherwise, and it makes the red-banded turtle sneer in disbelief.

"Yeah, except my eyes when I look at ya," Raph decides tease, and Mikey lets out a quick chuckle of amusement. Even Leo manages to weave a slight smile onto his offended face before wordlessly turning away and heading back towards the kitchen. After a few seconds, Raph lets out a huff of amused air as the sound of the microwave begins. Leo's going to burn it, no matter what the leader may say, he just knows.

"Bro, where have you been?" Mikey wonders after a few moments of silence, never tearing his gaze away from the television. "I've missed you. Everyone else has been coming to see me but you. Even Master Splinter came a few times."

"Yeah, well," Raph breathes out, shuffling into a more comfortable position. "You can blame that on Lame-O-Nardo and Doctor Donatello."

"Pfft, tell me about it," Mikey replies with a trace of annoyance in his voice. He spares his older brother an understanding glance before continuing with, "D has been hovering over me almost every second of the day. At least Leo has lightened up a bit, though."

A small grunt of approval is all that Raph achieves to respond with. Leo does seem to be more cheerful and entertaining. He doesn't usually spend a lot of time with the family, and even Raph can tell that he must've been out here with Mikey for a while judging by the amused look in his baby brother's eye and the way the countless amounts of pillows and blankets are crumbled with use. It must be the dark feeling of pity that pins Fearless to Mikey's side.

Pushing that thought to the dusty corners of his mind, Raph focuses on the serenity of the lair. He doesn't think it has been like this for a long time. Normally, he could faintly hear Donnie and Leo scrambling around frantically, searching for the cup of water Mikey needs or the antibiotics Raph demanded for as he sat in the lab. But now, things are starting to look up, and Raph has no foreseeable problem with that.

And so, with that fuzzy thought drifting in his head, the two brothers sit in a comfortable silence, the only sounds being the demanding shouts of Captain Ryan and the whirring of the microwave.

_ Leo had better not burn the popcorn. _

"..You know I'm not mad at you, right?" The question is sudden, and it causes Raph to look down at his brother in confusion. Mikey shuffles closer to him for comfort before continuing with, "I hope you aren't mad at me either. Or yourself."

Raph swallows down the lump in his throat. "No promises about myself," he manages to reply, and a pair of deep, baby blue eyes reach up to meet his. "But why would I be mad at you?"

Mikey only shrugs a bit before further relaxing into his red clad brother. "I dunno. I just got a feeling that you might be."

"Never," Raph breathes out, trying his best to focus on the TV in front of him. But his mind rudely interrupts his concentration, swelling with questions that are begging to be set free.

_Why aren't you mad at me?_

_Why are you okay with everything that is happening?_

_You realize that you won't be walking again?_

_You realize that I ruined your life?_

_You know that nothing will ever be the same, right?_

But before any of those melancholy statements can slip through his mouth, a sudden rumbling noise breaks through the tense silence, and Raph quizzically glances down at Mikey. The youngest turtle grimaces a bit before returning to his normal, silly face.

"Guess my stomach isn't reacting well with that burnt popcorn Leo gave me," Mikey gently teases, but Raph catches the glimpse of pain wander through the blue irises. Mikey shifts as much as his body will allow him before uncomfortably clearing his throat.

"You.. okay?" Raph questions, his eyes never leaving his brother's. Mikey, however, is doing his best to train his focus on the commercials that flash in front of him. His forced concentration is almost too hard, and it makes Raph's forehead furrow in puzzlement.

"I.. Yeah."

"Don't 'yeah' me, what's wrong?"

The microwave beeps, echoing throughout the lair, but the burning, unpleasant aroma drifting from the doorway Leo had exited in is the last thing on Raph's mind. He watches as Mikey's anxiously licks his lips and swallows three, four, five times too many.

"Mike-"

It happens all too quick. Mikey doubles over, a blend of a tinted yellow and an ugly brown rushing out of his moaning mouth and onto his knees. Instinctively, Raph recoils, jolting backwards and away from his heaving brother. With his stable body gone, though, Mikey begins to tilt to the side and he instantly attempts to upright himself while still hurling on the ground beneath him. But he over calculates how much force is needed to get back into a sitting position, and without hesitation, he flips over onto his side and catches himself with his shattered arm.

"_Leo!" _Raph yells out over Mikey's sudden screams, rushing back over to his baby brother's side to set him upright and off his broken arm. His knees land in the large puddle of warm, indistinct remains of food as his scrambles over to help, but his first and foremost priority is tending to his brother.

"Raph! What happened!" Leo urgently questions, bolting into the room within seconds of Raph's cry for help. He is soon by Mikey's side, whispering soothing words to the bawling turtle as he fires daggers of demand into the red clad turtle with his eyes.

"He's not feelin' good, you idiot!" Raph shoots as Mikey begins to cough. Leo rubs the back of their brother gently, waiting until Mikey is able to hear him. Suddenly aware of the mushy puddle he kneels in, Raphael slowly stands up with a look of disgust, watching as the concoction rolls off of him in heavy drops.

"It's okay, Mike, it's okay," Leo murmurs, cautiously looking over the orange clad turtle's injured and swelling arm. "Raph, go get towels to clean this up. _Donnie, get out here_!"

Obeying without a fight, Raph staggers over to the kitchen with a trail of throw up dripping from his legs the entire way. Swiftly, he grabs a roll of paper towels while muttering underneath his breath and returns to his brothers. Donnie now stands over Leo and Mikey, trying to talk over the hacking and sputtering of Mikey's coughs.

"I-I can try to make a quick medication to help with the coughing and other symptoms," Don quickly explains, resting a gentle hand on Mikey's shoulder. "It's not going to cure him entirely, but it'll hold him over."

"Okay, do that," Leo commands as he grimaces down at his youngest brother.

"I'm gonna need some help," Donnie anxiously begins as he starts towards the lab. "Leo, come with me."

Raph kneels down next to Mikey where the splatters of the contents of his stomach isn't as plentiful. "I'll stay with him and clean up." With that assurance, Leo gives him a brief nod and follows Donnie to the lab.

Ripping out a few pieces of the absorbent fabric while his two other brothers close the large metal doors behind them, Raph begins to scrub away at the floor. Mikey, who is vaguely watching his brother, gives out a few hoarse coughs.

"You gonna be alright, Mike?" Raph questions as he balls up the soaked paper towel and throws it behind him. He frowns as a hint of the repulsive liquid seeps onto his hand, but doesn't make any further comments about it. He doesn't want to have Mikey feel worse than he already does.

"I.. think so.." Mikey softly pants, wiping his mouth with the back of his good hand. Feeling painful tears spring to the outer parts of his eyes, he looks down at his injured, freshly throbbing arm. "My arm really.. hurts."

"I could tell as you were screamin'," Raph gruffly responds as he finishes soaking up as much vomit on the floor as possible. He tears out a few more pieces of the paper towel and begins to gently wipe away at Mikey's knees. "Just don't think about all this. It'll hurt less."

"Well it's hard to when.. when you're surrounded by your own throw up," the younger turtle gently jokes, but is soon caught up in a fit of coughs. Raph lets out a quick sigh before responding.

"Just think about.." His emerald eyes briefly scan the room before landing on a familiar stack of paper. "Think about when Sensei found that comic for ya. You know, that one about the superhero dog and that crazy lady who always got into trouble?"

"You mean my first..comic?" Mikey lets out a small chuckle with these words and Raph can't help but smile as he comes to realize what makes him laugh. "That was an interesting fight we had, wasn't it?"

o-o-o

_Michelangelo squeals in suppressed delight as his father hands him the stained comic book. A curious pair of glowing green eyes peek over his shoulder as the 8-year-old orange clad turtle begins to enthusiastically flip through the worn book._

_"Remember, Michelangelo," Splinter warns with a soft hint to his voice, "take good care of it. I was lucky to have found that one for you. It is not easy to come across human valuables such as that."_

_"Hai, Sensei!" Mikey exclaims and rushes across the lair floor to flop down on the couch. Raph, Donnie, and Leo hesitantly follow him and gather around their youngest brother in interest._

_"Why does __**he **__get to have it, Leo?" Raph irritably whines, glaring down at his baby brother's delighted face. "No matter what Splinter says, he's gonna wreck it."_

_"No I'm not!" Mikey defends, but the smile on his face never wavers as he comes across a particularly interesting action scene on the third page. "You're just jealous Sensei trusts me more!"_

_"No I'm not!" Raph parrots, the irritation shining through his emerald eyes. "Splinter doesn't even trust you with a cup of tea – he knows that you'll just spill it all over the place!"_

_"It's okay, guys, we'll just take turns!" Donnie suggests before anyone can respond, his eyes never leaving the pages that Mikey flips through too quickly for his liking. For once, he actually agrees with Raph: why does Mikey get to keep the book to himself? "I'll set up a calendar and assign each of us dates and then we can-"_

_"But Splinter gave it to me, not you!" the youngest counters, gently closing the book with the utmost care. He amused eyes are quickly replaced with ones full of annoyance and defense._

_"Mikey, don't be greedy!" Leo interjects. He puts his hands on his hips, a gesture that shows that he means business. "I'm sure Splinter didn't mean he was __**only**__ giving it to you. I think we should take turns."_

_"Yeah, so hand it over, my turn!" Raph abruptly yells out, snatching the precious comic book from the youngest turtle's hands. Mikey gives out a yelp of surprise and immediately gets on his feet as Raph begins to walk away laughing._

_Without warning, the smaller turtle jumps the couch and lands on his red clad brother's back, gripping onto the creases in his shell. Raph gives out a harsh grunt of bewilderment as he dangerously teeters backwards onto his heels. "Give it back, Raph! Sensei gave it to –"_

_" – all of us!" Raph roughly finishes, regaining his balance and shaking his entire body to relieve his back of the extra weight. "You're not a prince, Mikey! You don't just get everythin' you want! Get off of me you big baby!"_

_"Leo, tell him to give it back!" the young turtle cries out, blatantly ignoring his older brother's command. He stubbornly begins to try to pull his brother backwards as he rides piggy-back. However, Raph grabs onto the corner of the wall in front of him to pull himself forward, making them come to a complete standstill as their two other brothers watch them in astonishment._

_"Yame!" _

_Raph jumps in shock, causing him to lose the tight grip he has on the wall. Without warning, the two turtles fling backwards mercilessly. Raph abruptly lands on top of his baby brother, squeezing his eyes shut as his limbs make contact with the floor and the bodily cushion beneath him. Almost instantly, Mikey cries out in pain as his delicate hand is crushed between his brother's hard shell and the cold floor beneath him. A few agonizing moments tick by before Raph comes to his senses and responds. Stunned by the sudden cries of agony, Raph swiftly rolls off of him and kneels by his side, watching as his baby brother holds his hand to his chest and rocks back and forth._

_"Owie, owie, owie, owie, owie.." Mikey silently sobs, a stray tear managing to find its way out his clamped eyes and down his face. Raph looks incredulously at him, a pang of guilt pricking into him._

_"Well, I mean.. It's not _my _fault.." Raph slowly begins, but soon trails off as he continues to watch his baby brother moan in pain. He quickly makes up for it by questioning, "Are you okay, Mikey?"_

_Mikey shakes his head in denial, his chin tucked to his chest as he tries to squeeze the pain out of his injury. "Owie, it hurts, owie.."_

_"H-Here," Raph stutters, leaning backwards to grab the comic book that rests behind him. "You can.. you can have it if it makes you feel better." Although the offering is a statement, it comes out more like a question. Nevertheless, Mikey glances up with wide eyes and hesitantly takes it out of his brother's helping hand._

_"..Thanks, Raphie," he gently murmurs, sniffling gently as he uncurls from the ball he rolled in. Feeling a burst of newfound happiness flow inside of him, the youngest turtle lays the peace offering in front of him and flips the pages with his good hand. After a few silent moments, he glances up and gives Raph an apologetic grin before pushing the book between the two of them._

_Just as he's about to indulge himself in the story with his baby brother, Raphael jumps slightly as a warm hand is put on his shoulder. Looking up, Raph locks his shimmering gaze with Splinter who gives him a warm nod of approval. And, before he can do anything about it, the red clad turtle feels a smile tug on the edges of his mouth._

o-o-o

"I still haven't.. thanked you for that, by the way," Mikey continues, snapping Raph back into reality. The red-banded turtle wipes away the last of the vomit on his brother's knees before looking up to meet the baby blue gaze.

"Yeah, well, that's what brothers do, right? I still haven't thanked you for getting over your pain quickly so that Splinter didn't beat me to a pulp." He faintly smiles but it quickly dies as another series of coughs burst from Mikey's mouth. The younger turtle brings up his good arm to cough into the crook of his elbow, but it doesn't ease the harshness of his hacking. "Take it easy, Mike. Don't want ya passin' out again."

"..Me either. I would rather not land in.. the pools of my own throw up," the youngest breathes out, mustering up a hopeful smile to his older brother. "At least I can't feel the sticky throw up on my legs though, right?"

Instantly, Raph's face falls and Mikey's playful grin disappears within seconds.

"R-Raph, I'm sorry, I didn't –"

"No, _I'm_ sorry," Raph mutters, tearing his suddenly hardened gaze away and beginning to stand. Mikey feels a flare of embarrassment flutter across his cheeks as his brother looms over him. He should've known better than to say something like that.

"Let's just get ya back on the couch, okay?" Raph doesn't wait for a response. Crouching back down, the red clad turtle scoops up Mikey and easily lifts him. Gently, he rests him on the clean cushions and grasps a thick blanket from the arm of the couch. After draping it over his brother, the older turtle takes a few steps backwards and bends back down to pick up the discarded bundles of paper towels.

"But.. thank you for the comic book, Raph," Mikey finally states after a few long moments. "Thank you for everything, actually. It means a lot to me, bro."

Raph glances at his shattered baby brother before turning away and beginning towards a trashcan in the far corner. But he doesn't forget to gently respond,

"So do you."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**So, I don't know if that ending exactly made sense to all of you, but basically, Raphael just told Mikey that he means a lot to him.**

**Haha, yeah.. so..**

***Cricket, cricket***

**Reviews are always welcome, so please do not hesitate to leave one(:**


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